My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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