so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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