I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
