i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
