I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
