i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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