I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize