I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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