who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
