Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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