it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You can't special order awesome
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize