Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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