I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
