dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
