He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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