So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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