just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
