I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
