I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
