she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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