He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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