Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
