I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
false alarm, still single
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