Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Randomize
