he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
