There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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