Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
