I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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