So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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