I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
