hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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