no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
