I have demons in me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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