who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
