im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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