You made me cry and you don't even care
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
