Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
