I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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