Yo dont text me then not text me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
