We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I could make wine with my vomit
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
