i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
