you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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