I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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