I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize