All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
