I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
