Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
