And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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