He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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