I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
