White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
