If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
