Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
