Quick, to the slutcave!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
