Jerry, you need to find god
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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