...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
