I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
