She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
