Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
