The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
