I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
