you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
