Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
