I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
