I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize