Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize