Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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